That day started normally. How it ended up like such a mess is beyond me.
It was a Thursday afternoon. Students and staff alike flooded out of the maws of the academic building as the sun slowly set. The shadows of the clouds cast a cadet-blue tint over the school, leaving the atmosphere muted. It could have put people to sleep, but there was a respite from that—the orange, sodium-coated lights emanating from the hedges and below the benches kept an illusory essence of warmth in this oddly cold December afternoon. The few gusts of wind were very cool, and the sky started to grey—it was most likely going to rain soon, and most students weren't interested in sticking around to find out.
My friends were not most students.
I was with the same group as usual. Nathan, Marianne, Jamie, Carolyn. We'd known each other for a few months, bordering on a year. All afternoon schedule... well, except for Carolyn. She just stopped by on occasion. Mainly for Marianne, I think. She happened to be available that day, and so she stuck around.
We were lounging by a gazebo on the right of the school, closer to the academic building than the plaza. Usually, we'd be by that flagpole, but we knew it'd rain at some point. Jamie said he felt raindrops before then, and so I suppose it was to be sure. It was our usual routine after school. After an hour, we would've left for the convenience store or that bakery by the sidewalk.
We were pretty deep into conversation. Carolyn was very peppy (we didn't get to talk as often as we usually did, so these meet-ups meant a lot for her), Nathan and Marianne wouldn't go one minute without talking about the same thing together as if they were mentally linked, Jamie couldn't stop cracking jokes at most of the group's expense (especially Carolyn,) and I watched. I wasn't the best at talking to people, believe it or not. Just observed and nodded my head and shook it whenever I felt it was needed. Best I could do at that point.
Nathan cocked his head, squinting. "It's literally the middle of the school year, assignments are piling up on us, and you're still hopping on Valorant? That's—"
"Nate, bro, you don't understand," Jamie said. "My friends want me to play with them, and—and who am I to refuse, bruh?"
Marianne scoffed, leaning back on her chair. "Well, fuck those friends. We're the ones you can see physically." Before she continued, she noticed Carolyn glaring at her. "Ahem. Screw those friends," she repeated, emphasizing every syllable. I couldn't help but groan (in amusement, mind you) as Carolyn chuckled. Innocent soul.
"A bit crude, but she isn't entirely wrong," Nathan said, shrugging. "School's more important than whatever's distracting you."
"Bruh." Jamie furrowed his brows. "You're one to talk, dude. You're obsessed with this urbex stuff, I'm surprised that isn't distracting your bitchass. This goes to you too, Mari."
The group paused. I raised my eyebrow, but deep down, I knew what happened. Jamie put his hands on the table, groaning with a wry smile. "Oh, for fuck's sake..."
The cogs started to spin, and their motormouths were only getting started.
Those two were the urban explorers of our section. I had (and still have) no idea why urban exploring was so popular among Valderrama students, but we listen and we don't judge (except Jamie), so I have nothing much to say against it. The appeal of trespassing and entering buildings that could get you arrested or, worse yet, killed, wasn't exactly found in me. Shocking. Usually, they'd talk about what they found with us during these get-togethers, and I'd usually expect that disappointed look in their eyes as they take out some rusted metal scrap or something.
This time, though, those eyes were shimmering with pride, and they had such a bright smile on their face (smirk would be more appropriate, but I digress). A first for them—they looked proud of the scraps they scavenged. It didn't take us any time to notice the change, and so we were intrigued. Well, for Carolyn, "intrigued" would be a severe understatement. Her eyes were locked right on Nathan's satchel, drilling through the faux leather as if to get a peek of it before it was even shown. She'd leaned so close to it, you'd expect her to eat what came out, even if it were porcelain. She's the type, I feel.
Regardless, we were all hooked on what those two managed to reap from another abandoned site from God-knows-where. We had no idea what to expect, but at least we knew it wasn't some piece of junk that only served to weigh up trash bags.
And even then, we weren't expecting those goggles.
Those goggles looked very innocuous. It could've been any other pilot's goggles (like that was worth wearing outside of aerospace training). There was really only one thing that I assumed made it so intriguing—the blood-red lenses. It was very unique, even for pilot's goggles. Nobody wears that stuff outside of pilots flying without a windshield, and even then, I doubt any pilot in their right mind would wear them. Other than that, it was pretty typical for pilot's goggles. Metal frame, garter strap, and rusted buckles to tighten on the wearer's head.
There was a logo engraved on the frame—one of a closed-eye symbol, reminiscent of those symbols you'd see on warning posters. I'd never seen it before, and I don't think I've seen a brand with that logo before. Even now, it intrigues me. Why, I'm not sure. It struck me as odd, that's all I know.
Regardless of that, though, we didn't know what the fuss was about when we first saw Nathan take it out of his satchel. Well, everyone but Carolyn—she immediately understood whatever hooked those two. Maybe she was just really excitable that day. Not like it would be much of a change, granted.
Jamie questioned it as soon as he met eyes with the goggles. They just seemed like ordinary spectacles outside of the lenses. Whatever made them so interested, he couldn't see at first glance. Marianne admitted that the two of them just saw it on the site and swiped it. They were allured by it—it was a strange kind of allurement, one that they couldn't name the cause for. They just had that urge to take it, and so they did. Nathan justified it, saying that it could probably go for a couple hundred or a couple thousand. I had a feeling that he was just trying to dig for a defense, though. Jamie still didn't buy it.
Carolyn tried defending it, but I'd already pledged my allegiance to Jamie's points. Back then, it just seemed like a normal pair of goggles with a vampire phase. Sure, that logo was a little interesting, but it didn't seem like anyone else noticed or cared. Honestly, though, them being unreasonably interested in those goggles should've been a sign. Those goggles were more than they seemed to be.
I watched as they kept bickering. It was pretty tense, and the atmosphere felt warmer than usual. Granted, it was relatively minor compared to the rest of the day. But I could still feel the flames burning the grass to ash. Jamie got strangely aggressive as it progressed, actually. It wasn't exactly out of character, but it felt odd either way. I doubt he was entirely himself at that point, though. It gradually got more apparent as the day went on.
Eventually, while Carolyn kept arguing against Jamie's points in defense of Nathan and Marianne (who clearly didn't care as much), Jamie swiped the goggles from Nathan's grasp, which Nathan certainly cared much for. Nathan tried taking it back, but Jamie stopped him as he looked at those goggles. Started inspecting it. And after a while of looking, he seemed... strangely intrigued by them. In contrast to what he said, Jamie looked as though he actually cared about those goggles. It wasn't just me who found that weird—Carolyn and the duo looked at him with an equal amount of confusion. Wasn't he just talking about how "uninteresting" and "boring as hell" those goggles were?
Carolyn suddenly grabbed the strap and pulled it out of Jamie's hands. He flinched before snapping his head towards her, seemingly annoyed by the sudden interruption. The three of us turned to her as she looked at the goggles. Stared at the goggles. Her eyes dug deep into them. Not the kind of stare that drilled through in excitement. It was more like she was staring through it. Like she saw nothing but it. She glared at it. Very intently. That smile of hers faded. Her expression melted into one of emotionless. Blank and unreadable. I furrowed my brows. I felt weird seeing Jamie so interested in those goggles, but that couldn't compare to how I felt seeing Carol so... empty. She'd never looked that way, not even since I met her back when we were middle schoolers.
We started asking questions, trying to get her to respond, but nothing. Completely nothing.
Before long, she jumped out of her seat and sprinted down the pavement towards the parking lot. Her expression remained void as she ran down the aisle, all the while, the goggles were held tightly in her grasp. Without a second thought, Nathan and Jamie took chase, calling out to Carolyn as she just... kept sprinting. Marianne and I stayed—me because I was overwhelmed. Marianne—hopefully the same thing. I wasn't sure.
We stared at the two of them taking chase for a moment. I squinted. Wasn't sure what to say, or feel, or think, or anything. None of that felt like something that'd happen. Especially Carol's demeanor. Then Marianne and I glanced at each other. The both of us shared a mutual shrug before we silently agreed to stay by the gazebo to watch over our bags. I knew she would've stayed to watch over them anyway, she was very certain someone would snoop.
And so we waited for the three of them to come back as the school grew quieter. Most students had left the campus by now, and so the sound of indistinct chatter grew less and less prominent. All the ambiance I heard was the leaves fluttering, cars zooming past the school from the distance, and Marianne tapping her fingers on the plastic desk. The clicks and clacks echoed in my brain. I felt strangely tense. Wasn't very strong, especially not compared to later, but I knew it was there. I think it was the paranoia.
The quiet atmosphere allowed me to pick up on any subtle differences. I could hear the sound of leaves falling from trees from a few meters away, no matter how quiet it was. So when I heard the muffled noises of struggling from the distance, I immediately picked up on it. Then I grew concerned. I cocked my head to the side, squinting, as if that'd help me see through the academic building.
Marianne noticed that—I saw her glance at me in my peripheral vision. Soon enough, she turned to face where I was facing, though still tapping her fingers.
"What are you looking at?" she asked.
"Do you not hear that?"
"Hear what?"
"The—the fighting? I can hear fighting."
Marianne squinted. The clacks of her nails against the plastic stopped, and the sounds of the struggle grew clearer.
"It's coming from the parking lot." I pointed out.
"Huh. You know what's going on there?"
"I don't know, dude. Hold on, let me check."
And so I stood up from my seat. I shuffled through lawn chairs and the plastic table and started walking down the aisle. But before long, I turned to face Marianne—and there she was, still sitting on her chair, looking at me with furrowed brows. I sighed. Is she really this obsessed with keeping her stuff?
"What? You gonna help?"
"Vaughn, you think I'm leaving our stuff here?"
I rolled my eyes, walking towards her. She looked at me, confused. "We're in Davao City, Mari," I groaned. I clamped my hand on her arm and pulled her out of the chair. "Our stuff will be fine."
Marianne tried fighting back, but she let that go. Probably realized how pointless that would've been. I let go of her wrist as I walked towards the academic building, her footsteps following mine. I glanced at her behind me, and she was still looking after our stuff. Not sure why she didn't decide to go back and bring at least her stuff before going, but I'd rather not go on a tangent.
The wind grew colder. The campus grew quieter. With every step, I felt a sense of dread build on my chest. It would only be a matter of time before it collapsed, leaving a deep pit in my chest. Everything felt like it built up that weight. I tried to keep myself composed while walking to the parking lot, but that weight kept itself pressed against my ribs, ready to snap them all into pieces. Passing by the lit-up benches. Passing by the glass doors. Passing by the cream-white walls. Passing by the set of stairs. Each and every step I took slowly spread fear through my nerves like a cancer. Each and every step made that weight more and more of a burden.
And when I got to the parking lot, my chest caved in.
Marianne and I stared at the crime scene in front of us. We had no idea what to do, or feel, or think. We stood still. Frozen solid. What we saw would never escape my brain. And I felt so many memories flash before my eyes. So many of our meet-ups after school. It was only a few months, maybe a year, but it felt like forever. And it was all a way to ease the pain of sawblades cutting through my entire body. In front of us, so far from the entrance and yet so close to our vision, were Jamie and Nathan in the middle of a fight—Nathan trying to pull the goggles out of Jamie's face—and Carolyn, splayed on the floor, motionless.
And there was blood.
There was so much blood.
I couldn't take another step forward before Marianne sprinted towards Jamie. She instinctively helped Nathan rip the goggles off of Jamie's face. I wanted to move, I wanted to help those two with Jamie, but I felt my ankles chained by scorching hot cuffs. I couldn't get myself to step out of the sidewalk—not unless I forced myself to. My eyes, widened to the point of tearing, couldn't focus on any of the things they saw. It all blended into one large vile amorphous blob of flesh and crimson.
One look at Carol. It was only one look at Carol for me to burn through my skin.
And I ran. I ran as fast as I could towards Carol, still splayed on the floor. As I got a closer look, I could feel the bile rise from my stomach. My hands began to shiver, and the winds began to frost as I approached Carolyn. Still on the floor. Blood poured from her skull. I crouched down, and wanted to attempt to wake her up (knowing full well she couldn't)—but that cold, petrified stare left on her eyes... I couldn't do anything but stare and struggle to hold my breath without them slipping out. That smell... that harsh, metallic stench. I could not name anything worse.
No words could convey the feeling of seeing someone I'd known for so long be the victim of a murder scene.
I couldn't stare for too long, though—I could barely even process what to feel before I got pushed aside, landing right next to Carolyn and the blood pooling nearby. I immediately lurched up, crimson splashed on my back, as I watched Jamie attempt to get Nathan off of his grasp—both of whom had blood splattered over their uniform and skin. A punch to the jaw and a kick to his gut—and yet he still kept going, one hand on the bridge of the goggles and the other tightly gripping his neck.
Eventually, Marianne pulled Jamie towards her from the back, which snapped the garter strap apart. The glasses flew out of his face, landing on the cold stone on the ground. She seemed ready to keep Jamie still if he fought back, but... he didn't. He went completely limp, eyes seemingly staring into nothing. As suddenly as he lost all emotion, he flinched out of Marianne's arms, Nathan strafing aside. He fell onto the concrete face-first, and I heard a loud crack—I couldn't help but wince.
Nathan stared at the goggles for a moment. One might've expected him to put it on as well. From the look on his face—the twitch of an eye and a mouth exposing gritted teeth—he seemed to fight something back. Before long, though, he threw the broken goggles onto the ground, expression curling into one of contempt. Somehow, the lenses remained intact. Not like anyone cared enough to notice. Nathan heaved, taking a deep breath, and glaring at Jamie. It was the most conflicted, appalled stare I'd ever seen on him—or anyone, really.
Before Jamie could process what happened, Marianne pulled him up by the collar and stared right through him. She yelled at him, asking him what he'd done, why he'd done it—all the while, her voice frothed with a blend of terrible, bubbling emotions. Jamie had no explanation, and I doubt there was anything. He looked oblivious. I could see from his eyes, he was just as confused as the rest of us. And as soon as his gaze landed on Carol, his face immediately contorted into one of horror.
Nothing mattered after that. A crowd built up and the police came, and now we're here. It had all become a blur to me.
The sole thing I could think of was Carol. Oh, god. Carol. She could've skipped out of the meet-up and kept living. If only she could've done that. Now she's a casualty linked to our school. Maybe even a portrait left on a memorial that'll be up for a year at most by the parking lot. I hope to God she gets to rest after this. One more mention of her in the halls and I think I'd go berserk. Those fucking goggles man. There was something about them. When I first saw it and how they acted around it, I knew there was something.
You know, Nathan talked to me about them while we were being escorted away. We were near the police station we went for interrogation. The sun had completely blotted out, and a deluge of rain had come and gone. We were sitting by a bench under a streetlight, just by a road with cars whizzing past us. The warm orange lights couldn't ease that feeling of coldness that had lingered ever since I arrived on the scene. It wasn't the comforting kind of cold. It was inclement. It made me numb.
We were silent for a long time. I was alone, but he sat with me so I had some company. Marianne, according to him, went home already. Was a complete mess, almost unrecognizable to him. Said she'd given up on Urbex and gave him her "PPE", whatever that was. Broke his heart, he said.
He talked about those goggles. How it was his fault, bringing it to our attention. I couldn't see his eyes. The light illuminated us from above, so it was obscured in shadow. I could feel that piercing stare behind the inky black shade though. Cutting right through my skin. I could feel the light shining off of built-up tears. He tried to keep it in, but I could read it in his voice. His face.
I tried to convince him, but I could barely get a word out. I wish I could, but nothing made sense when I pieced it together. Just a lot of "uhms" and "ahs". Embarrassing. Regardless, it was terrible seeing Nathan so melancholic. God knows he didn't want this as much as anyone else did, and he knows just as much as I did that the general student body would spread rumors about Jamie like a fucking wildfire. We knew that guy better than anyone. He would never take a life, much less someone so important to the group we'd formed.
Soon enough, he had to leave. Said that if I needed to talk, I could just message him. Maybe someday, but for now, I'm stuck wondering about those damn goggles. What their deal was. What it had that made Jamie... y'know, do what he did. I'm not sure I'll ever get to see him again, maybe not outside bars. Now the group's been falling apart. Can't even look at Carol's page on Bathala without seeing that face again. That sight... her eyes were open, but she'd never see again.
And it was all because of some fucking goggles.